i haven't enjoyed playing basketball for very long. my buddy just came back from the US and we played basketball. "shiok". the complimentary feeling is like forever there even after months of untouching. haha. how i wished this could happen more often. i have to wait till next summer. he's flying back soon.

larry made me ponder. why should i open myself to other girls? why not try dating other girls? maybe i shouldn't have liked ******* in the first place. but what's wrong with liking someone? i knew it's impossible between us now and in the near future. i once said i would wait on her. my friends said i would be a fool to do that. what if she turned her back on you eventually? i would have waited for... nothing.

what jason said made some sense. first - put her on holding list. secondly - not to miss out on other eligible girls. well. that's cruel. but i don't think like him. i'll feel guilty if my heart were to be in two different places. i just can't bring myself to like another girl when another is still in my heart. but if i ever got over the first one i would never turn back. let alone put her on holding list. so should i give her up? can i forget her? what should i do?

found some nice meaningful quotes from my buddy's blog.

giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back. don't expect love in return. just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't. be content it grew in yours. it takes only a minute to get a crush on someone. an hour to like someone. and a day to love someone. but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. don't go for looks. they can deceive. don't go for wealth. even that fades away. go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. find the one that makes your heart smile.

find the one that makes your heart smile. i like that one. yeah.

biodiversity. OPEN BOOK EXAM. it wasn't exactly a new thing to me. i had a similiar experience back in secondary sch. it was a geog test. everyone flunked coz there was no time to check for the answers and copy them down word for word. the trick to OPEN BOOK EXAM is the answers can never be found in references directly. as i had expected. "study like never study". luckily i remembered to put on my thinking cap. glad i'm quite smart. otherwise i would have handed in a blank answer script. 2 up, 3 more to go!

just finished my english paper. it was kinda a breeze. horribly wonderful chem prac. I got 1 A+, 1 C+ and 1 A-. The one i got C+ - i didn't get the compound right coz it got contaminated and i kinda copied that from someone else. realised my own works are more trustworthy. A+ & A-. i will treasure and do my own work from now. NEVER COPY WHOLESALE. if want to copy also must copy smart.

someone said i'm a paedophile.. but i don't mind.. when you think of true love it has no limitations..
they say she's an extrovert - to me she's both an extrovert and introvert.
i said she's got alot of good points - they say love is blind
i can see all her good and bad points.. they have nothing more to say
it's not about compromising..
how did she exactly gave me the right feeling.. as in fit into my criteria
when my expectations are so high.. god knows..
"Jillian.. i said i came close to finding it" but i didn't complete the sentence.."now i've found it in you.."
my heart was mended from a million smithereens.. someone gave my heart hope to be able to love unconditionally again..
you are a kind hearted, understanding and appreciative gal.. it's undeniable though it's not written all over your face.. it can be felt with the heart and truly seen with the eyes..

seriously u wait till she's sec4 i promise u total transformation n might haf some characteristics of a bitch coz most mgs girls are lidat

i'll bet her to prove u wrong.. only her... she's one of a kind.. my judgement of any gal i'm interested in hasn't failed me yet

like whether u are a fiercely loyal person
faithful partner
or someone who's easily ruled by jealousy
are appreciative of things that cannot be bought with money
appreciative of thoughts
will u treasure things that are dear to you for life

whether you are romantic yet practical down to earth not bitchy not any percent bitchy whether u are caring and care about pple n things generally

meticulous perfectionist organised dun like being affected by other gan jiong pple loyal friend if i decide to be serious i'll put my best in it

true love does not mean possession or jealousy. it's generosity.
i keep reminding myself of this sentence to keep myself from overindulgence of doses of happiness can u believe it

i've got such a vulnerable heart
it keeps me guessing what is love and if it's already around sometimes u cannot see but u can only feel

when there's true love there can never be hatred
haha~ but it's only a thin line b/w love and hatred, b/w happiness and disappointment

yesterday was kinda e last session coz her exams gonna be over
on my way home i juz msged her soemthing like
i love her company n she made me happy
then i added in a teaser "too bad u dun like me and "i will miss you"
wad do u understand?
i kept her guessing n she kept me guessing
i'll find out soon.. if love's in the air
if absence makes the heart grow fonder
haha~ it'll make yr heart sick... den if she doesn't haf any response den u die liao.
i have this feeling i'm accidentally in love
i can't possibly ask her right in the face if she feels this way rite
though it's being frank n straightforward it'll scare pple and usu you'll get a negative answer
i'll like tell her secretly sneak a note or something lah if she really like me or love my company keep it to herself dun tell me i dun want to know now
when u really think it's love then it's worth it to tell me..
sneaky not a nice word to use but that's love it's always round the corner rite you can't see it though it's close by until u turn ur direction
ya... a bit hard... haha~ scarly u get forgotten how?
if i can get forgotten easily then i'm in trouble
so i should write a note
haha~ young gals do forget things easily if they dun see them often... haha~ or forget the feeling
saying "i wonder if you miss me"
haha~ telling her don't forget me?
tell her no use one coz tell like never tell
she can forget her formula
sure got chance to forget me
this one different... it's more real life... u dun forget a real life thing easily
unless she really treasure
that's what i'm lookin for
she's quite cool n cynical on the outside
but she's sensitive n romantic inside
she's quite self protective like me sometimes
but i can give alot in a relationship
such tt i can't protect myself from being hurt
one thing unqiue abt her is her laughter
it's the best medicine for my soulbreathes life into my soul
rejuvenates my spirit
ppl thinks she's carzy but i think she's merry
she's not overly crazy she's so enthusiastic n got such innate ability to heal herself by laughing
haha~ suitably lively and bubbly that's what i feel i truly lack in life
few pple can give me that she already stepped in and on my heart left such a deep impression
one and only kind of bubbly that doesn't piss me
haha~ u muz be careful man!!! gotta protect urself b4 u fall into it!!! muz wear life savers
haha.. how to? this time it's different
i found a treasure that's so abstract
so hard to describe the joy
i won't know if it's mine
but by discovering it i already made a name for myself
haha~ ya... plant your flag there and declare it yours!!!
haha.. she's a human not a non living thing
set her free and if she chooses u she'll be urs
haha~ ya... den she'll be truly yours!

whenever i think of you.. i realised i often think of you. and think too much of you. why can't you just disappear from my life? i'm so easily distracted. maybe attracted is a better word. i figured why. it's probably the way you take things so easily. the carefree nature of your soul captured my heart. now there's an internal struggle within me. it's difficult to let go. when i need to free you from my mind.

*swensens treat*

the album is here:
http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=4286319015

*mind blowing*

gave Patrick tuition. then Gen tuition. coached Lynda squash. met LJ for basketball. my Sunday's quite routined.

watched France vs England at Esther's house. France won 2-1. Zidane scored 2 goals in the last 2 minutes. freaky. England fans were gutted. utterly shocked. yeah. shock is the word. it's so cruel. hope they learn their lesson and bounce back.

*resurrecting blog*

Larry called. he's got fever. I've got flu. so no tuition. seem like some kinda bug is passing around. be careful people. today is the 3rd day of personal quarantine. felt like going out. so met LJ and BL for supper.

*updating in progress*

gave Gen tuition. Larry went out to watch Harry Potter. so no tuition for him. my throat's much better today. had been having fish porridge since yesterday. stayed home to recuperate. time passes so slowly.

*words of wisdom*

that untimely blow yesterday. suffering today. woke up with a bad throat. sore and painful. the mirror didn't reflect anything on the outside. internal injury. that must be. couldn't talk the whole day.

couldn't even say "hu" when playing MJ. when the 3 MJ kings came. i lost money in pain. (they coincidentally rhyme). my throat and heart both pained. my money is hard earned. the amount lost might seem little to others - but it's too huge a loss to me. 4 days of lunch and dinner. that's how much i simply lost. the saying: "no loss, no gain" might be true. but it surely doesn't apply on gambling when another saying goes: "ten bets, nine losses". how naive am i. always hope i don't win or lose money. 'cause i merely wanted to provide some entertainment for friends at no cost. but they wanted to gamble money and dragged me into it. i succumbed to peer pressure.

the excuses they churned for me were all sorts. - you ORD already, got so much time, where got no time to play mahjong? - don't complain, i lost even more money to others before, compared to you now. - once a while play no harm right, anyway the stakes are so small how much can you lose? - if you lose, it's equivalent to spending on two movies, just treat it as entertainment fee for your friends. i was tempted several times. each time i delayed my decision.

didn't exactly buy their reasons. knew they were wrong. but i didn't have the heart to turn down entertaining my friends. i gave in. they could afford to lose small. they had lost bigger before. i had everything to lose. 'cause i couldn't afford to lose. i am poor. MJ is a rich man's game. but it can also make a rich man poor overnight. till now did i realise i had sunk a little too deep into sh*t. i finally lost. but "no pain, no gain". i recovered my conscience. rediscovered the truth. at a small expense. i shall never gamble again.

*mind blowing*

gave Patrick tuition. coached Lynda squash. met LJ for basketball.

basketball. one of the worst sessions. the ball slammed straight into my face. 3 times. my specs flew out. 3 times. the 1st time my most presentable pair of metallic specs got so twisted. the twist - it's deemed irreversible. after that fatal 1st hit i had no choice but to substitute my metallic specs with my ACG - plastic specs. the plastic one suffered 2 severe blows but it never got outta shape.

highlight of the day. one shorty (shorter than me by nearly a head) tried to dribble past me. clumsily jumped and elbowed my throat while attempting the basket. this time LJ had to substitute me. yes. ME. nearly hammered my apple. will never play basketball with those ruffians again. my life is precious.

had dinner with LJ. supposed to drag Eddie for steamboat buffet at Turf City. but he adamantly refused to tag along. ended up eating Penang Kway Tiao and Prawn Mee at Killiney Kopitiam. lime juice was refreshing. his darling BL knocked off and met us for dessert (though we already finished it before she arrived).

reached home around 11.30pm. it was still my brother's birthday. not past midnight yet. had the last slice of chocolate cake. *yum* happy birthday.

*wishful thinking*

gave Larry tuition. went to the World Book Fair. was in a hurry to meet dad. so didn't linger long enough at sun tec. didn't catch Lixiang. couldn't have anyway. it's really people mountain people sea (in chinese)

*blogging in progress*

gave Gen tuition. went shopping at CCK Lot1. bought some assessments for Larry. $80 on 2 branded shirts. $20 on 3 colourful Giordano tees. $100 bucks gone simply. tough luck. i'm crazy. something horrible happened. misplaced the books i bought for Larry. absent-mindedly left it unattended. $10 gone.

how absent-minded can i be? eg.: happily paid for 2 packets of chicken rice and went home. upon reaching home then i realised i didn't bring back the 2 packets.

that's quite bad rite? i know. will need to curb such frequent recurrence.

*scribblings loaded*

squashed in the evening. JCC's a nice place. quiet. serene. best place to cultivate the mind. felt different in the courts. met uncle Chris. had a game with him. can't believe i actually won. i'm finally convinced of my potential. shall strive hard to make sure i don't disappoint myself. I will be an A grader someday.

love showering at JCC. everything's provided. from towel to bathing accessories. even gel and comb. luxury. and warm water. i hate showering in the cold. probably that explains why i seldom swim. had supper with Shaun. he missed his favourite steak 'cause the stall had closed. ended up eating mixed vegs and rice. the servings were so huge and generous. totally appeased our hunger.

called Kim outta the blue. kinda remembered she should be back from France. to my surprise she really picked up the phone. it was already midnight. chatted for like ages. the student exchange wasn't exactly enriching. but at least she didn't suffer that much compared to YJ when she was in India last month. lol.

*resurrecting blog*

holiday. like it isn't one. family day is more apt. went out on a pilgrimage. vesak day. still tryin' to figure out where exactly is my faith. good friday. i need enlightenment.

NP shifted to NUS. yeah! squash and study all the way. needn't look further for a place to coach squash anymore. anyone interested in learning squash? find me!

gave Larry tuition. his mum agreed to baby-sit my sis after we shift. but only 6 months. well. guess we gotta take things one stride at a time.

*updating in progress*

met RY and his upline KT. she's quite dynamic. fits into my impression of a successful businesswoman. amazed by the way she explained things. but still i feel Lampe Berger isn't the one. though some kinda inspiration struck. i'd seen a clearer picture of how to succeed in MLM biz. action speaks louder than words.

met LJ for dinner at West Mall. not elsewhere. 'cause BL's working part-time at West Mall. BK was too just too tempting for him. trust him to suggest eating such "heaty" food when he's still sick. bummed around. broke a personal record. bought my 5th pair of shoes in a month. now i have no reason to buy shoes for a year. stepped into Harvey Norman. wanted to scout for an LCD screen which have both TV and PC connectivity. the salesman was so brilliant. introduced me to the best LCD screen. $1699. and so generously shared ALL his technical knowledge. other customers might have been bored to death. but i happened to be so interested. it's so cool. someday in the near future that LCD will be mine.

bro went touring Microsoft. got a door gift - an optical mouse. best. FOC. he's going to HP someday next week. wonder what cool gadget he'll be given. lucky guy.

Yo pple.. Can anyone suggest how i should celebrate my 21st birthday? Just tag on e board beside..

I've finally gotten over IT. It seemed impossible.. I deemed it near impossible.. but I still believe miracles do happen.. Intuition just overwhelmed me and I suddenly knew what to do.. It's unbelievable.. I feel like a bird that's been set free from a cage..

"My heart bleeds for you.." oh Genevieve U are so dense and crappy.. But that phrase is perhaps so true.. Just like "There's no way to happiness. Happiness is the way." I ought to realise happiness isn't a thing.

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

A Minute

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Send this phrase to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it also to the person that sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgot your friends.

Take the time... to live and love.

"In the course of living, many people are disappointed when others do not live up (or down) to their expectations. In order to be happy, some expectations must be dropped. These unrealistic and unhealthy expectations are three of the main culprits."

1. Do not EXPECT appreciation. When others say, "Thank you," or in any way show their gratitude, be happy. It is a gift!

2. Do not EXPECT others to make you happy. They simply cannot do that. Make yourself happy and share your joy with others.

3. Do not expect NOT to be let down. At times, people will simply not come through for you in the way you need. Forgive them and move on. Get rid of these three expectations and you will be getting rid of daily disappointment!

I wonder who thought of this. So smart. Why can't people live a life of virtually no expectation? Why do people have expectation? Why do "bo-chup" people still exist in this world? To give and not expect is like repaying something which you owe.. sounds as if i owe the whole world something..

I was blinded. Treated everyone else out in the streets like transparent glass. There I was, but elsewhere my heart was. Can't imagine I went bumming around the whole world hoping just to catch a glimpse of......

Mycroft: "love is so blind.."
Darrell: "yeah.. luv sometimes make ppl do things that cannot be explained.."
Mycroft: "yar.."
Darrell: "some ppl say only luv has no reason.."
Mycroft: "whatever.."

I realised it was the first time I fell so badly at the first hurdle..

It doesn't seem easy to free one's mind from worries.. tried not to think too much.. somehow the discomfort's always lingering.. when i'm happy nothing bothers me too much.. but short-lived happiness gives me the feeling of emptiness coz i'll always have things to worry about..

Live simply - I don't want a complicated life. But how simple can things get? I admire William Hung. He went through the ordeal so simply while people fall off from their chairs. It's not sympathy but admiration. Few people are so innocent nowadays. Innocence is Simplicity.

Give more & Expect less.
This is so profound. Expectation is usually proportional to one's expense of effort and time. The more you give the more you'll expect in return. But if what you reaped didn't become what you sowed, you'll be either merely disappointed or utterly devastated. There's this saying that goes: Hope for the best. But prepare for the worst. "Hope" was the last thing let out of Pandora's Box and needless to say it always comes at the last minute. I better whack this into my brain and remember it by heart coz i often hope too much. It's not very reliable.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I've been restraining and suppressing myself emotionally. It hurts badly but I must tell myself not to expect so much.

Five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less

People telling me age difference isn't supposed to be a barrier in a relationship. Difference in maturity of thinking is probably a more tricky and obvious barrier. I'm trying to explore that..

Being faithful is noble and righteous. But why is it also foolishness?

To me, love has always entailed an enormous amount of responsibilty.
My ideals of love are as high as the clear blue sky.
Ever hear of Calvin Klein cologne "Eternity"?
Don't understand why some people can't love deeply, passionately, lastingly & loyally.

Are you incapable of making lasting commitments?
If you are, I'll be disappointed.

Today is Valentine's Day.
Wonder if this is the beginning of a nightmare or sweet dream.
Can't help falling in love. It's a sweet-bitter thing.
Why must the sweet part always have to come before the bitter?
I never knew the answer.
It's hard to give it all. It's even harder to not give at all.

I only know
When my heart has moved, there's no turning back.

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