Monday, July 09, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Thursday, May 03, 2007
It's been an exhausting exam period. It was really a testing period when I had to manage ever-changing daily emotions and still concentrate on studying hard for my exams. Some superhuman effort to overcome all odds was needed. I'm glad someone was there for me when I was really in need. My inner strength was boosted a million fold.
Had started looking for job opportunities way back since March. I've been wanting to secure a good full-time job with CPF and welfare benefits to kick-start my career. I'm praying for some good luck to come my way. There seems to be abit of pressure on me to get a full-time job but I'll take it as it is and work on getting a good job.
Had started looking for job opportunities way back since March. I've been wanting to secure a good full-time job with CPF and welfare benefits to kick-start my career. I'm praying for some good luck to come my way. There seems to be abit of pressure on me to get a full-time job but I'll take it as it is and work on getting a good job.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
The beginning of the end is coincidentally the end of the beginning. This is the beginning of my last semester's final exams. Yet it is the end of the beginning of this new year's challenges.
I was suffering from some weird pre-exam syndrome. Last night I tried to sleep at 10.30pm. Dozed off just to be aroused abruptly to check what time it was. It felt as if I had slept for quite long when I decided to peek at my phone to see what time it was. It read - 11.30pm. "Oh My God. What's happening?" I had only slept for an hour. Well I just turned back and closed my eyes hoping to start dreaming again. But that's not the end of the story.
I couldn't believe it when I was aroused several times throughout the night at hourly intervals. Woke up at 12.30pm, 1.30am, 2.30am, 3.30am, 4.30am and I couldn't take this anymore. I was tired of the irritating sleep-wake pattern and dragged myself out of bed and started washing up and flipping my notes since my circadian rhythm was haywire.
Met Jason at around 7am for a light breakfast and we shared a cab to school. Reached school so freaking early at 7.30am when the paper was due to start at 9am. It was as if we were extremly kiasu or something.
One paper done. Three more to go. What do I look forward to? Graduation is inevitable. I might be back for my MBA in the near future. I'll weigh my career options carefully over the next few months and grab opportunities to improve. That's about it so far.
I was suffering from some weird pre-exam syndrome. Last night I tried to sleep at 10.30pm. Dozed off just to be aroused abruptly to check what time it was. It felt as if I had slept for quite long when I decided to peek at my phone to see what time it was. It read - 11.30pm. "Oh My God. What's happening?" I had only slept for an hour. Well I just turned back and closed my eyes hoping to start dreaming again. But that's not the end of the story.
I couldn't believe it when I was aroused several times throughout the night at hourly intervals. Woke up at 12.30pm, 1.30am, 2.30am, 3.30am, 4.30am and I couldn't take this anymore. I was tired of the irritating sleep-wake pattern and dragged myself out of bed and started washing up and flipping my notes since my circadian rhythm was haywire.
Met Jason at around 7am for a light breakfast and we shared a cab to school. Reached school so freaking early at 7.30am when the paper was due to start at 9am. It was as if we were extremly kiasu or something.
One paper done. Three more to go. What do I look forward to? Graduation is inevitable. I might be back for my MBA in the near future. I'll weigh my career options carefully over the next few months and grab opportunities to improve. That's about it so far.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
LIBRA WOMAN
Libra woman has a typical egg-oval facial shape. She has nice smooth skin and a pretty good figure. She will spend so much effort to keep her skin clean and pretty. She can be easily allergic to cosmetic and make up, but taking care of her face and avoiding wrinkles are her hobbies. She is good at them and tend to look younger than her actual age.
She can be very naughty like a little boy, but yet fully 100% woman. She looks nice in either jeans or night gown. She thinks that women and men are equal. Sometimes she can think faster than you, but she will not leave you far behind. She will try not to make you feel like you are competed or defeated in any games she plays with you even though she is winning.
She is a little flirt. Well that's because she has no idea what she wants. She can not decide what to do, and what not to do. So you see, she can not set her schedule very well in all cases. She is gifted with dress sense. She likes to dress in black and wear perfume. She likes mild floral scents.
She can really argue in all cases. She can argue for hours, and still win the argument most of the time. If it is not a serious argument, she could argue and give you a smile at the same time. She will make a good politician, because she can tell which party will win the election.
She always has a good reasons, even when she likes to contradict herself. She can not decide what is right and wrong for her, because everything has a good side and a bad side. Women in other zodiac signs might not care about what other people think, but Libra women care about what other people, or what you feel as much as her own feeling.
She can adapt to her environment very well, so at work she will be at the top of the ladder. She likes team work when doing things. If you ask her for help or advice, she will help you unless she does not like you. She can change you and make you think that you change by yourself without her influence.
The good side of being with a Libra woman is that she never interferes with your privacy. She will not make you lose face in front of your friends. Although she cares about how much money she has in her bank account, she will never forget to let you know how much she cares for you.
She thinks taking care of the house is a woman's job and she can do it well. But if you expect a Libra woman to fear you, then you are wrong. She is a strong woman even though she may look at you with her sweet innocent pair of eyes.
If she is the one you are after, then go step by step. The best way is using her friends to introduce you to her. Do not make her feel or treat her like an air head. You have to move forward and towards her with confidence and steadiness. Show her that you are a kind, polite and real gentleman. Be a slow hand or else you might get smacked!
Libra woman has a typical egg-oval facial shape. She has nice smooth skin and a pretty good figure. She will spend so much effort to keep her skin clean and pretty. She can be easily allergic to cosmetic and make up, but taking care of her face and avoiding wrinkles are her hobbies. She is good at them and tend to look younger than her actual age.
She can be very naughty like a little boy, but yet fully 100% woman. She looks nice in either jeans or night gown. She thinks that women and men are equal. Sometimes she can think faster than you, but she will not leave you far behind. She will try not to make you feel like you are competed or defeated in any games she plays with you even though she is winning.
She is a little flirt. Well that's because she has no idea what she wants. She can not decide what to do, and what not to do. So you see, she can not set her schedule very well in all cases. She is gifted with dress sense. She likes to dress in black and wear perfume. She likes mild floral scents.
She can really argue in all cases. She can argue for hours, and still win the argument most of the time. If it is not a serious argument, she could argue and give you a smile at the same time. She will make a good politician, because she can tell which party will win the election.
She always has a good reasons, even when she likes to contradict herself. She can not decide what is right and wrong for her, because everything has a good side and a bad side. Women in other zodiac signs might not care about what other people think, but Libra women care about what other people, or what you feel as much as her own feeling.
She can adapt to her environment very well, so at work she will be at the top of the ladder. She likes team work when doing things. If you ask her for help or advice, she will help you unless she does not like you. She can change you and make you think that you change by yourself without her influence.
The good side of being with a Libra woman is that she never interferes with your privacy. She will not make you lose face in front of your friends. Although she cares about how much money she has in her bank account, she will never forget to let you know how much she cares for you.
She thinks taking care of the house is a woman's job and she can do it well. But if you expect a Libra woman to fear you, then you are wrong. She is a strong woman even though she may look at you with her sweet innocent pair of eyes.
If she is the one you are after, then go step by step. The best way is using her friends to introduce you to her. Do not make her feel or treat her like an air head. You have to move forward and towards her with confidence and steadiness. Show her that you are a kind, polite and real gentleman. Be a slow hand or else you might get smacked!
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Today is April Fool's Day. I wonder if this reflects accurately enough about me. Haha.. Some food for thought for those who know me =)
CANCER MAN
The most sensitive man and the weakest emotional type in all Zodiacs. Most artists are Cancer. Cancer is controlled by the "Moon" and the moon changes it's shape daily, so a Cancer man's emotions and moods change all the time too. You will be confused with him and yet it is his constant changes that "charm" you. He never goes to get what he wants directly, but he will wait for a chance and opportunity to do so. Once he gets what he wants, he will not lose it, except if he gets tired of it by himself.
The most sensitive man who can not stand rejection. He cares what other people feel or think of him. He hates losing face and he tends to over protect himself, so sometimes people might think he is a cold person.
Cancer is gifted, creative and imaginative. Mystery and complexity play a major role in the life of a Cancer man. He could be very funny, very quiet, suddenly very sad. Living with him could be very unexpected, for you will not know what is his next mood. If you like excitement and surprise, you have the right guy and never have a chance to get bored.
He thinks of his home as "nest" and it is the safest place for him. If he feels hurt or depressed he will stay at home alone quietly. Once he feels better, he will come out of his retreat and lives normally again. Being a loser is not him.
It is so easy to fall in love with this guy because he is gentle and a very polite guy. His wit and creative mind could win your affection. He will come out from his nest to protect you even if he is not opening himself up to other people much. Not many people will win his heart. His security is only satisfied when he has money in his pocket. Once he feels secure then he might think of having a happy family. Even though he likes to make and keep money, he is not stingy. Spending money is part of keeping his good image, so he will be happy to spent money to take you out to a very expensive restaurant or buy a jewellery for you.
Certainly when he has money OK. He is possessive to everything that he thinks belongs to him. Don't try to talk to another cute guy in front of him, he will get suspicious because he is not very secure or confident in himself for this kind of competition.
Once you know each other too much, he will start to look for new excitement, but not to worry for he will always think of you. If he thinks you are his true love for him, and you try once to disappear be sure he will come and look for you.
He is a shy guy, but if he likes you. You can get up in the morning and see that he is in front of your house everyday till you go out with him, a very persistent guy.
He likes a secure, cheerful and lively woman, confident but at the same time always acting proper and appropriate. He likes a secure woman who is able to adjust to his rapid changes. A very difficult type of woman to find indeed.
In the beginning, you and him will be so sugary sweet together and he will only think of you. This so called "super romance" may not last forever, so don't slip this chance. If you are the one who want his interest, then act and make yourself interesting. Be a supportive person and give him compliment sometimes, but not too much till he thinks that you are not sincere.
Unlike many other Zodiacs, if he is mad then you better get out of his room. He will calm down by himself. Giving him a slight touch on his shoulders or a concerned facial expression is good enough.
CANCER MAN
The most sensitive man and the weakest emotional type in all Zodiacs. Most artists are Cancer. Cancer is controlled by the "Moon" and the moon changes it's shape daily, so a Cancer man's emotions and moods change all the time too. You will be confused with him and yet it is his constant changes that "charm" you. He never goes to get what he wants directly, but he will wait for a chance and opportunity to do so. Once he gets what he wants, he will not lose it, except if he gets tired of it by himself.
The most sensitive man who can not stand rejection. He cares what other people feel or think of him. He hates losing face and he tends to over protect himself, so sometimes people might think he is a cold person.
Cancer is gifted, creative and imaginative. Mystery and complexity play a major role in the life of a Cancer man. He could be very funny, very quiet, suddenly very sad. Living with him could be very unexpected, for you will not know what is his next mood. If you like excitement and surprise, you have the right guy and never have a chance to get bored.
He thinks of his home as "nest" and it is the safest place for him. If he feels hurt or depressed he will stay at home alone quietly. Once he feels better, he will come out of his retreat and lives normally again. Being a loser is not him.
It is so easy to fall in love with this guy because he is gentle and a very polite guy. His wit and creative mind could win your affection. He will come out from his nest to protect you even if he is not opening himself up to other people much. Not many people will win his heart. His security is only satisfied when he has money in his pocket. Once he feels secure then he might think of having a happy family. Even though he likes to make and keep money, he is not stingy. Spending money is part of keeping his good image, so he will be happy to spent money to take you out to a very expensive restaurant or buy a jewellery for you.
Certainly when he has money OK. He is possessive to everything that he thinks belongs to him. Don't try to talk to another cute guy in front of him, he will get suspicious because he is not very secure or confident in himself for this kind of competition.
Once you know each other too much, he will start to look for new excitement, but not to worry for he will always think of you. If he thinks you are his true love for him, and you try once to disappear be sure he will come and look for you.
He is a shy guy, but if he likes you. You can get up in the morning and see that he is in front of your house everyday till you go out with him, a very persistent guy.
He likes a secure, cheerful and lively woman, confident but at the same time always acting proper and appropriate. He likes a secure woman who is able to adjust to his rapid changes. A very difficult type of woman to find indeed.
In the beginning, you and him will be so sugary sweet together and he will only think of you. This so called "super romance" may not last forever, so don't slip this chance. If you are the one who want his interest, then act and make yourself interesting. Be a supportive person and give him compliment sometimes, but not too much till he thinks that you are not sincere.
Unlike many other Zodiacs, if he is mad then you better get out of his room. He will calm down by himself. Giving him a slight touch on his shoulders or a concerned facial expression is good enough.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Below are your Must Haves.
Spiritual Acceptance...
My partner must accept and respect my spiritual beliefs, whether they share them or not.
Family Life...
I must have a partner who is committed to marriage, home, and family.
Emotionally Healthy...
I must have a partner who is emotionally healthy, and able to share a stable life with someone else.
Shared Interests...
I must have someone who is willing to share my interests and passions.
Passionate...
I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding.
Loyal...
I must have someone I can count on to always support me.
Communicator...
I must have someone who is good at talking and listening.
Responsible...
My partner must be financially responsible.
Attractiveness...
I must have a partner who is considered "very attractive" by most current standards.
Staying In...
I must have a partner who mainly enjoys staying in together and having quiet evenings alone or with close friends.
Below are your Can't Stands.
Anger...
I can't stand someone who can't manage their anger, who yells, or bottles it up inside.
Recklessness...
I can't stand someone who has a careless and irresponsible manner when with others.
Cheating...
I can't stand someone who takes advantage of people.
Lazy...
I can't stand someone who likes to spend excessive time sleeping, resting or being a "couch potato."
Depressed...
I can't stand someone who is constantly unhappy about their life.
Infidelity...
I can't stand someone who engages in sex outside a committed relationship.
Mean Spirited...
I can't stand someone who has a devious nature and is mean to others.
Hypocrites...
I can't stand someone who holds a double standard for their actions and those of other people.
Intolerance...
While I understand that religious conviction is a positive trait, I can't stand someone who is self-righteous and feels that their particular faith is the only one that matters.
Arrogant...
I can't stand someone who is obnoxiously cocky.
Spiritual Acceptance...
My partner must accept and respect my spiritual beliefs, whether they share them or not.
Family Life...
I must have a partner who is committed to marriage, home, and family.
Emotionally Healthy...
I must have a partner who is emotionally healthy, and able to share a stable life with someone else.
Shared Interests...
I must have someone who is willing to share my interests and passions.
Passionate...
I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding.
Loyal...
I must have someone I can count on to always support me.
Communicator...
I must have someone who is good at talking and listening.
Responsible...
My partner must be financially responsible.
Attractiveness...
I must have a partner who is considered "very attractive" by most current standards.
Staying In...
I must have a partner who mainly enjoys staying in together and having quiet evenings alone or with close friends.
Below are your Can't Stands.
Anger...
I can't stand someone who can't manage their anger, who yells, or bottles it up inside.
Recklessness...
I can't stand someone who has a careless and irresponsible manner when with others.
Cheating...
I can't stand someone who takes advantage of people.
Lazy...
I can't stand someone who likes to spend excessive time sleeping, resting or being a "couch potato."
Depressed...
I can't stand someone who is constantly unhappy about their life.
Infidelity...
I can't stand someone who engages in sex outside a committed relationship.
Mean Spirited...
I can't stand someone who has a devious nature and is mean to others.
Hypocrites...
I can't stand someone who holds a double standard for their actions and those of other people.
Intolerance...
While I understand that religious conviction is a positive trait, I can't stand someone who is self-righteous and feels that their particular faith is the only one that matters.
Arrogant...
I can't stand someone who is obnoxiously cocky.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Came across an interesting article on compatibility. This is a thought provoking one..
Who is Your Type?
Ask someone who their "type" is and you'll get responses ranging from an itemized shopping list full of physical, behavioral, cultural and occupational details to a laissez-faire, carpe-diem approach of "whoever shows up in my life." When it comes to relationship longevity and happiness, however, the best "type" for anyone, regardless of age, race, gender or creed, is one who shares compatible core values that are rooted in the deepest levels of personality.
But what does "Compatible" mean?
The word "compatible" is thrown around a lot these days in everything from computer programs to finding true love. Indeed, without compatibility in our lives, things just don't work as well as they could—including romantic relationships.
Simply put, being compatible with a partner means that you share enough core traits, core values and relationship skills. Not having enough of these shared aspects is a strong indication that there will be problems down the road, no matter how much physical attraction and chemistry exists in the beginning and throughout the relationship.
Chemistry and compatibility
In the beginning of any romance—whether compatible or not—the sweet scent of love and lust hangs in the air like the most intoxicating perfume. The object of your desire floats in and out of your thoughts and brings a smile to your face and hopes into your heart of what's to come. And that's what makes love great and keeps us coming back for more—the promise of what's to come.
It is this kind of love that is idealized in TV and movies, and books and songs—the kind that starts fast and lasts forever; or so it seems. Yet in the initial stages of getting to know someone without the benefit of being matched for compatibility in advance, the attraction is based largely on five traits only: appearance, chemistry, front-end personality (chatter), status and sense of humor. In the long run, with no other shared compatibilities, the relationship will one day come to a halt just as fast as it began. So stop buying into generalizations like "all men are like this…" and "all women are like this…" and stop punishing yourself with those self-deprecating books like He's Just Not That Into You, and educate yourself on what makes for good compatibility so you'll know when it's there—and when it's not—up front.
What does compatibility look like?
In truly compatible relationships, love deepens further between partners through cycles of self-discovery and then rediscovery of each other. Over and over again, they fall in love in slightly different ways, reaffirming their shared commitment toward the relationship they share.
Despite beginning in the same euphoric way as compatible relationships, incompatible relationships by contrast have a much different outcome as time marches on. Instead of falling in love more deeply over time with one another, each partner falls into emotionally separating periods of resentment that mount until the pain and frustration of tolerating the other's idiosyncrasies outweighs the desire to keep the relationship going. When things go from bad to worse in a relationship over and over again, the desire to see what's to come can be a scary prospect! The oh-so-good feelings during the "honeymoon period" will have less than happy endings several months—even weeks—later, depending on the motivations and compatibilities that both partners share.
So whether on a first pass you prefer the strong brunette or the gentle blonde, the intellectual or the artist, or the fashonista vs. the girl or boy next door, one thing's for certain: if you're looking for a long-term, satisfying relationship that spans beyond the usual six to eight months of honeymoon period, you're going to need shared core traits and values, as well as similar relationship skills like communication and conflict management styles. That's why chemistry alone is not enough to keep the spark going past the 6- to 8-month mark.
Compatibility is the difference between a relationship that starts and lasts, deepening as it goes and redefining your view on love, and a relationship that starts and fails, ending in bitter disappointment and varying degrees of emotional distress. A few rounds of those kind of relationships and it's no wonder hope about finding someone who really fits you and you fit them starts to diminish. But the good news is that it doesn't have to be that way.
How can I tell who my type is?
Knowing how to spot your type is a two-part process. First, you must know your own traits, values and relationship skills that you bring to the table—good ones and areas where you could possibly improve. Then from there you'll be able to recognize the traits in others that go well with yours, and that's when the magic really starts to happen. You'll start getting to know people and experiencing the great euphoria of love's beginning, but it will keep getting better and better.
It's okay to have some dissimilarity between you and a love interest, so long as these differences are not one of the core values, traits or relationship skills that are so vital to relationship longevity and happiness. At first opposites may attract, but over time those necessities initially overlooked become real problems later on in the relationship. It's not a big deal if your partner likes country, and you are more into rock n' roll, or if your partner likes reality TV and you like watching sports. It would matter more, however, if you approach most things with spontaneity and your partner is a planner," or if you are more of a socialite and your partner is a homebody.
The next time you find yourself making excuses for incompatibilities for the sake of new-romance euphoria, gently remind yourself that avoidance now will lead to stress later—and who needs that? Remember that who's around you at the moment isn't the only thing available to you. Compatible love is everywhere, if you know how to look.
The Compatible Seven
Commit these Compatible Seven to memory and keep them in mind when getting to know someone, both online and during the first few dates you go on. They can also be used to review shared compatibilities in existing relationships.
Spiritual harmony — for some shared religious affiliation is an absolute must. For others, affiliation is not as important as a shared level of spirituality. Find out where you are, and make sure you're on the same relative level.
Desire for verbal intimacy and ability to be intimate—men may be from Mars and women from Venus when it comes to communication, but even so there is a general level of verbal intimacy skills that must be shared. The ability to be honest about thoughts and feelings is a great indicator.
Energy level — if you enjoy more low-key activities but a potential partner is all about extreme outdoor sports, you may want to rethink getting together with them in a serious way. As exciting as people who are different from us appear, remember the tried-and-true axiom: Opposites attract, then attack.
Ambition level — if you want to take over the world and all its earthly spoils but your date wants to save the world from people like you, heed caution.
Role expectations — if a female desires to one day be a traditional, stay-at-home mom, but her potential partner believes that women should be more independent, Houston, we have a problem.
Interests — while some dissimilarity in interests is okay and even educational for both partners, it's how much investment a partner has in them that will tell you whether you'll be able to enjoy sharing that time with them. It's not enough to "put up with" many dissimilar interests—it's your time, too, so make sure you can enjoy them as well, and likewise, they can and are willing to enjoy yours as well.
Personal habits — good hygiene is pretty much essential across the board, but other personal habits like drinking, eating and acceptable levels of order and cleanliness are details that seem able to be overlooked at first, but can be real sources of aggravation later. Try to be on the same page as much as possible.
Putting it all together
Since attraction alone is not enough to overcome core incompatibilities that lead to relationship stress and difficulties, the sooner you discover your own core values, traits and relationship skills, the sooner you'll be able to recognize them in someone else who is compatible with you. Instead of dating whomever shows up in your life—or not dating at all—you'll be able to experience the kind of happy relationship that you may have always dreamed about or have recently realized that your life is missing.
Happy relationships teach us about ourselves and others, and the world around us, while the consequences of unhappy relationships are frustration, annoyance and pain. People fall in love with the complete package—it is the sum of compatibility and shared inner core values plus attraction and chemistry that makes for a successful long-term union. The more similarities you share with a potential partner, the less need there will be to negotiate differences.
Your type IS someone who…
Excites you
Shares your core values, core traits and relationship skills
Makes you laugh
Appreciates your dreams
Respects you
Makes you feel good to be around
Helps you to be a better version of yourself
Your type is NOT someone who…
Consistently frustrates you
Disrespects your goals and dreams
Does not share core values, core traits and relationship skills
Disrespects you
Tears you down emotionally, leaving you insecure and constantly questioning the relationship
Absorbs who you are and limits your interests, activities and personal growth
Who is Your Type?
Ask someone who their "type" is and you'll get responses ranging from an itemized shopping list full of physical, behavioral, cultural and occupational details to a laissez-faire, carpe-diem approach of "whoever shows up in my life." When it comes to relationship longevity and happiness, however, the best "type" for anyone, regardless of age, race, gender or creed, is one who shares compatible core values that are rooted in the deepest levels of personality.
But what does "Compatible" mean?
The word "compatible" is thrown around a lot these days in everything from computer programs to finding true love. Indeed, without compatibility in our lives, things just don't work as well as they could—including romantic relationships.
Simply put, being compatible with a partner means that you share enough core traits, core values and relationship skills. Not having enough of these shared aspects is a strong indication that there will be problems down the road, no matter how much physical attraction and chemistry exists in the beginning and throughout the relationship.
Chemistry and compatibility
In the beginning of any romance—whether compatible or not—the sweet scent of love and lust hangs in the air like the most intoxicating perfume. The object of your desire floats in and out of your thoughts and brings a smile to your face and hopes into your heart of what's to come. And that's what makes love great and keeps us coming back for more—the promise of what's to come.
It is this kind of love that is idealized in TV and movies, and books and songs—the kind that starts fast and lasts forever; or so it seems. Yet in the initial stages of getting to know someone without the benefit of being matched for compatibility in advance, the attraction is based largely on five traits only: appearance, chemistry, front-end personality (chatter), status and sense of humor. In the long run, with no other shared compatibilities, the relationship will one day come to a halt just as fast as it began. So stop buying into generalizations like "all men are like this…" and "all women are like this…" and stop punishing yourself with those self-deprecating books like He's Just Not That Into You, and educate yourself on what makes for good compatibility so you'll know when it's there—and when it's not—up front.
What does compatibility look like?
In truly compatible relationships, love deepens further between partners through cycles of self-discovery and then rediscovery of each other. Over and over again, they fall in love in slightly different ways, reaffirming their shared commitment toward the relationship they share.
Despite beginning in the same euphoric way as compatible relationships, incompatible relationships by contrast have a much different outcome as time marches on. Instead of falling in love more deeply over time with one another, each partner falls into emotionally separating periods of resentment that mount until the pain and frustration of tolerating the other's idiosyncrasies outweighs the desire to keep the relationship going. When things go from bad to worse in a relationship over and over again, the desire to see what's to come can be a scary prospect! The oh-so-good feelings during the "honeymoon period" will have less than happy endings several months—even weeks—later, depending on the motivations and compatibilities that both partners share.
So whether on a first pass you prefer the strong brunette or the gentle blonde, the intellectual or the artist, or the fashonista vs. the girl or boy next door, one thing's for certain: if you're looking for a long-term, satisfying relationship that spans beyond the usual six to eight months of honeymoon period, you're going to need shared core traits and values, as well as similar relationship skills like communication and conflict management styles. That's why chemistry alone is not enough to keep the spark going past the 6- to 8-month mark.
Compatibility is the difference between a relationship that starts and lasts, deepening as it goes and redefining your view on love, and a relationship that starts and fails, ending in bitter disappointment and varying degrees of emotional distress. A few rounds of those kind of relationships and it's no wonder hope about finding someone who really fits you and you fit them starts to diminish. But the good news is that it doesn't have to be that way.
How can I tell who my type is?
Knowing how to spot your type is a two-part process. First, you must know your own traits, values and relationship skills that you bring to the table—good ones and areas where you could possibly improve. Then from there you'll be able to recognize the traits in others that go well with yours, and that's when the magic really starts to happen. You'll start getting to know people and experiencing the great euphoria of love's beginning, but it will keep getting better and better.
It's okay to have some dissimilarity between you and a love interest, so long as these differences are not one of the core values, traits or relationship skills that are so vital to relationship longevity and happiness. At first opposites may attract, but over time those necessities initially overlooked become real problems later on in the relationship. It's not a big deal if your partner likes country, and you are more into rock n' roll, or if your partner likes reality TV and you like watching sports. It would matter more, however, if you approach most things with spontaneity and your partner is a planner," or if you are more of a socialite and your partner is a homebody.
The next time you find yourself making excuses for incompatibilities for the sake of new-romance euphoria, gently remind yourself that avoidance now will lead to stress later—and who needs that? Remember that who's around you at the moment isn't the only thing available to you. Compatible love is everywhere, if you know how to look.
The Compatible Seven
Commit these Compatible Seven to memory and keep them in mind when getting to know someone, both online and during the first few dates you go on. They can also be used to review shared compatibilities in existing relationships.
Spiritual harmony — for some shared religious affiliation is an absolute must. For others, affiliation is not as important as a shared level of spirituality. Find out where you are, and make sure you're on the same relative level.
Desire for verbal intimacy and ability to be intimate—men may be from Mars and women from Venus when it comes to communication, but even so there is a general level of verbal intimacy skills that must be shared. The ability to be honest about thoughts and feelings is a great indicator.
Energy level — if you enjoy more low-key activities but a potential partner is all about extreme outdoor sports, you may want to rethink getting together with them in a serious way. As exciting as people who are different from us appear, remember the tried-and-true axiom: Opposites attract, then attack.
Ambition level — if you want to take over the world and all its earthly spoils but your date wants to save the world from people like you, heed caution.
Role expectations — if a female desires to one day be a traditional, stay-at-home mom, but her potential partner believes that women should be more independent, Houston, we have a problem.
Interests — while some dissimilarity in interests is okay and even educational for both partners, it's how much investment a partner has in them that will tell you whether you'll be able to enjoy sharing that time with them. It's not enough to "put up with" many dissimilar interests—it's your time, too, so make sure you can enjoy them as well, and likewise, they can and are willing to enjoy yours as well.
Personal habits — good hygiene is pretty much essential across the board, but other personal habits like drinking, eating and acceptable levels of order and cleanliness are details that seem able to be overlooked at first, but can be real sources of aggravation later. Try to be on the same page as much as possible.
Putting it all together
Since attraction alone is not enough to overcome core incompatibilities that lead to relationship stress and difficulties, the sooner you discover your own core values, traits and relationship skills, the sooner you'll be able to recognize them in someone else who is compatible with you. Instead of dating whomever shows up in your life—or not dating at all—you'll be able to experience the kind of happy relationship that you may have always dreamed about or have recently realized that your life is missing.
Happy relationships teach us about ourselves and others, and the world around us, while the consequences of unhappy relationships are frustration, annoyance and pain. People fall in love with the complete package—it is the sum of compatibility and shared inner core values plus attraction and chemistry that makes for a successful long-term union. The more similarities you share with a potential partner, the less need there will be to negotiate differences.
Your type IS someone who…
Excites you
Shares your core values, core traits and relationship skills
Makes you laugh
Appreciates your dreams
Respects you
Makes you feel good to be around
Helps you to be a better version of yourself
Your type is NOT someone who…
Consistently frustrates you
Disrespects your goals and dreams
Does not share core values, core traits and relationship skills
Disrespects you
Tears you down emotionally, leaving you insecure and constantly questioning the relationship
Absorbs who you are and limits your interests, activities and personal growth